StOrIeS

A Mixture of Feelings

It's been a long time since i last got to go home so early. . . Of course. . . It wasn't suppose to be so. . . I skipped a National Education trip to Pulau Tekong. . . Visit to the BMT campus. . . Had decided to opt myself out of the trip, due to the amount of workload that is stacking. . . prior to that. . i wanted to use the time to relax, play games and watch tv. . . In other words. . . i just wanted to find opportunities for myself to slack. . . Afterall. . . What's the point of wasting this time going to a place that i will have to make myself used for three months next year. . .?
It's a short day today. . . yet quite an eventful day. . . Mrs Kok came to monitor our class today during chemistry lesson. . . And well. . our class put up a good 'show'. . All of a sudden. . everyone were so attentive, so enthusiastic during the lesson. . . Not quite like this kinda of feeling. . . Why can't we just be ourselves. . .? Mrs Kok's is just another person. . . there's no need to be so fake during her presence. . We are just as good a class as we are when we are at our ownselves. . But well. . i understand that that's life. . . It can't be help. . . People judge by what they see, if they see with their eyes that you are a good class, they believe it. . They don't really go deep when they judge things. . So the only way to survive and make people believe that you are good is to show the best in his/her presence. . . It's a fake fake world. . .
Had some misunderstanding with Ms Tan during the lesson. . Was accused of not doing my work because i was copying the answer flashed all the time. . I don't deny i was offended by this. . . Sorry but i can't help it, i didn't like to be accused for anything. . and maybe i was too temperamental. . . I felt really guilty for showing Ms Tan the attitude after the incident. . I felt i got no right to be angry with her because she's a teacher, a nice teacher. . . Not like some unreasonable ones. . . She apologised to me after the incident, though i tried to show that i was not affected by that, it was obvious that the truth was the opposite. . But. . . i felt really bad now. .
Was getting rather temperamental nowadays. . . Probably attributed by the stress i'm getting. . . The workload that comes in everyday is becoming too heavy. . . Was faced with the desire to do well and handling everyday's problems. . Tried to control my temper. . . but it's rather difficult at times. . .
Some people are telling me that i am mugging. . . Whether it's out of sarcasm, i take that as a compliment. . . How i wish that i can mug. . . But unfortunately, but attitude didn't allow me to. . . I will never be able to sit aside quietly and study for 2, 3 hours. . . Not even an hour. . . Furthermore, my house is filled with temptations that drive me away from doing my work. . . It is simply not a conducive environment for me to study peacefully. . . What the eyes around me are seeing are those time when i am just doing what i should be doing. . . Tutorials. . . If i don't even do this, i guess i won't survive for my A levels. . . Mr Kwek mentioned today, this is the crucial year to determine whether we received a 3k or 1k salary. . . Totally true. . . An O level certificate can only get you a job worth less than 1k. . . But an A level certificate will get you a place in university and a almost definite degree which will bring in a 3k worth of month salary. . . I won't want to end up with a 1k job. . . I'm not so well off to live with an O level certificate. . . My only way to give myself and my family a good and happy life is to study and do well academically and then get a good job. . . There's no shortcut to success. . . You reap what you sow. . . No pain, no gain. . . .

simply written on 9:37 PM
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